First Kiss with a Cowboy: Includes a bonus novella Read online

  “When can I see you again?” Toby held her hands in his, weaving their fingers together.

  Her heart pounded with anticipation and ached with dread at the same time. “Not sure.” She wasn’t sure about a lot of things. All it took was one doctor appointment for that uncertainty to creep back up.

  “How about tonight? I’ll take you out. We can go on a real date.”

  “Sure.” She covered up her doubts with a smile. “I’m free tonight. Just call me after your appointment.” Before he could see her hesitation, she brushed a kiss across his lips and hurried out the door.

  Exactly eight minutes and one blown red light later, Jane slid into the booth across from Beth, noting her friend had already finished her coffee. “I’m soooo sorry.”

  Beth wasted no time accepting her apology or making small talk. Instead she seemed to give Jane a critical assessment. “Aren’t those the clothes you had on yesterday?”

  Jane glanced down at her wrinkled sweatshirt. Crap. If Beth found out she’d slept with Toby, her friend would get all excited and have so many expectations. She really should’ve thought up a good excuse for the rumpled clothes on the way over. “Um, yeah I did wear these yesterday…” Think, damn it. She wrote fiction for crying out loud! “I haven’t had time lately to do much laundry.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” Beth propped her head on her fist. “I find it very curious that Toby wasn’t answering his phone all morning either.”

  “That is curious.” She cleared the squeak of guilt out of her throat. “He must’ve been busy.”

  “Oh, I’m pretty sure he was busy all right.” Beth leaned back and crossed her arms eyeing the messy bun on top of Jane’s head with a knowing smile. “It looks like you were awfully busy as well. Too busy to do your hair. Hmmm. What could you be that busy with so early in the morning?”

  Jane let a sigh sag her shoulders. She couldn’t spin a story fast enough to get her out of this. “Okay fine. I spent the night with Toby,” she whispered, glancing around to make sure no one seated around them was taking notes.

  “I knew it.” Her friend squealed. “Oh Mylanta! This is amazing. My best friend and Ethan’s best friend! We can go on trips together!” She gasped. “We can raise our babies together!”

  Jane shushed her before the whole town of Silverado Lake heard she and Toby were having babies together. “It’s not like that.”

  Her friend’s hands dropped into her lap. “Then what’s it like?”

  “Toby’s injured right now, but he’ll go back out on the circuit eventually.” Jane stopped there and simply let Beth read the rest in her eyes. Her friend still knew her better than just about anyone else. After walking through the aftermath of her father’s accident with her, Beth knew she couldn’t do it.

  “Maybe he won’t go back out on the circuit,” Beth said hopefully. “He could find another job. He could do something else. He’s smart. And I know he finished his business degree while he was on the road—”

  “No.” She said it firmly to solidify it in her own heart. “He won’t give up riding. He can’t.” His job held a much deeper significance to him because of Tanner. “I wouldn’t want him to.”

  Her friend chewed on her lower lip as though searching for an answer. “He’s not going to be a bull rider forever, Jane.” Beth slid the coffee mug to the end of the table. “Most of them don’t last beyond thirty.”

  “But it will always be something else.” Like her father, Toby had an adventurous spirit. He liked to push himself, he liked to push the limits. “I like him. I like spending time with him.” He made her feel things she’d never felt with anyone else. “But that’s all.” When it came to Toby, she could give him her body, she could even give him a small piece of her heart, but she couldn’t risk giving him more.

  * * *

  Nothing like waiting for a doctor to tell you your fate. Toby sat in the reception area—well, “sat” wasn’t totally accurate. He’d sat for a few minutes, then he’d paced the waiting room, then he’d gotten up to get a drink of water. He was running out of things to do. He might actually have to resort to reading a People magazine to pass the time and settle his nerves.

  “It’ll only be a few more minutes,” Gloria called over from the reception desk. “He’s running behind today.”

  “It’s fine. I’m good.” He wasn’t good. Anxiety had held him by the throat the whole drive down from Denver. He had no idea what he’d do if the doctor told him he was done riding.

  “How are your parents?” Gloria was good at making small talk when the doctor was running late, but today Toby didn’t feel like chatting.

  “They’re fine.” He still hadn’t taken Jane’s advice and talked to them. Things were okay right now. He had Jane and hopefully he’d get his spurs back at this visit. He had enough going on. Talking to his parents would blow up everything, and he didn’t even know what good would come from it.

  The door opened and Dr. Petrie waved him into the hallway.

  Damn, his heart was racing. If the doc told him he needed surgery again, he’d lose it. That would set him back another three months and then the season would be over.

  “Right in here.” Dr. Petrie ducked into an exam room and waited for Toby to come in and sit down before he closed the door and sat across from him on the stool. “How’s the shoulder been feeling?”

  Toby wasn’t sure how to answer that. “It’s not as sore. It’s tighter.” He’d done the stretches his physical therapist had recommended, but he couldn’t tell if they had helped. He’d kept up his routine, lifting weights every day, doing push-ups and planks—everything he could to keep his upper body strong. Had it all been for nothing?

  “Well, I looked over the MRI results.” How did doctors always manage to keep such deadpan expressions?

  “How bad is it?” he choked out.

  “It’s not bad at all.” The doctor opened a folder and glanced over the chart. “In fact, you’ve healed remarkably well. I didn’t see any damage to the repairs or additional tears.”

  It took a second for him to process the words, for him to let out the breath he’d been holding. “Really?”

  “Really.” Dr. Petrie set the folder aside, his expression still grim. “I almost wish I could tell you there was a small tear so you’d sit out longer and take more time off, but it’s simply not there.”

  Shock still bolted Toby’s mouth closed. He was done. He was cleared. He should’ve been doing backflips, but a realization tempered the news. Going back meant leaving Silverado Lake. It meant walking away from Jane…

  “Based on the pictures, I would say you could go back to riding any time,” Dr. Petrie went on. “But I’ll give you the same speech I’ve given you from the beginning. Just because there’s no tear and the repair is holding doesn’t mean you’re going to be as strong as you were before. And in your profession that can be a serious liability.”

  “You mean it could affect my ability to hold on.” He remembered that feeling when his shoulder tore, the ripping sensation inside his arm, the immediate lack of strength and range of motion.

  “It will affect your ability to hold on,” the doctor corrected. “There’s no question. It’s not the same shoulder joint it was before the injury. It never will be.”

  That wasn’t a surprise. “So, you don’t think I should get back on a bull.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Dr. Petrie raised his hands defensively. He even smiled a little. “Your parents would probably say that, but I’m your doctor.” A doctor who acted like a parent sometimes, but Toby let it go.

  “I would recommend strengthening the muscles surrounding the joint as much as you can before you go back. And you might have to adapt, to change how you ride.”

  He’d already been thinking through that. If he could strengthen his core, it would help his stability. And he could step up the leg work too. But none of that could ensure he wouldn’t be right back in here again someday. “Do you see a lot of repeat customers with this injury?�
��

  “I do.”

  That was what he’d guessed. So now the question became whether it was worth it. Was it worth it to risk another tear? Another surgery?

  “But you’re in good shape, Toby. There’s no denying that.” Dr. Petrie stood. He likely had a lot more patients to see. “You’re strong. And you’re young. And from what I can tell, you take care of yourself. You’ve got all that going for you.”

  Toby stood too, rolling his shoulder back. Still tight, but not painful. “You’re telling me I could compete again tomorrow if I wanted to.” He hoped the doctor would tell him no. Three weeks ago, this kind of news would’ve sent him running out of town to get back to some real training, but now…maybe he could delay going back a little longer.

  “I don’t know about tomorrow.” The doc opened the door. “I’d take my time with the training if I were you. Maybe give it another month and ease back into it. You’ve been working out, but it’s not the same as getting tossed around by a bull.”

  “Yeah there’s no way to mimic that.” You just had to get back on and ride again. He’d have to travel out to the training ranch he’d used in Texas over the years. It’d probably take him a good month of practice rides to prep him for competition. Once again, he thought about Jane. She was a writer…she could work anywhere. Maybe she’d come with him. Or at least visit. They could figure out the long-distance thing.

  “Thanks, doc.” He shook the man’s hand. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope I won’t be seeing you again soon.”

  Dr. Petrie laughed. “Well not in here anyway. Your parents invited me to come up for a weekend if I can ever find the space in my schedule.”

  He wouldn’t. His father had been extending the invitation for years.

  “Call me if something doesn’t feel right.” Dr. Petrie rested a fatherly hand on his shoulder. “And be careful out there, kid. You were luckier than most of those riders who go down.”

  “I know.” He didn’t take that for granted either. “Appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” Toby grinned. “I’ll tell all my friends.”

  The doctor shook his head and laughed his way down the hall. Toby went the opposite direction, stepping back out into the reception area.

  “Good news?” Gloria asked, her fingers pausing over the keyboard.

  “Yes.” And he couldn’t wait to share it with Jane. After being with her last night, he had to believe they could work this out.

  Chapter Nineteen

  You look lovely, honey.” Mara clasped a delicate pendant around Jane’s neck. “Your dad gave this to me when we first bought the ranch.”

  Jane gazed in the mirror, touching the white gold charm shaped like mountains. A small blue stone sat atop the tallest one.

  “He told me I’d always be his jewel in the mountains.” Her mother’s smile beamed at the memory.

  “Thank you for letting me wear it.” Jane turned to the side to make sure her bra wasn’t showing. “Thanks for the dress too.” After Toby had texted her and told her to dress up for their date, she’d decided to ask her mom for a loaner dress so there wouldn’t be another dressing crisis. The blue one she’d worn to the wedding shower had fit her perfectly.

  “It looks much better on you than it ever would’ve on me.” Her mother fluffed the hem. “You’re absolutely gorgeous. Toby is going to keel right over the second he sees you.”

  Jane tried to grasp at the same excitement her mom had for her date with Toby, but she couldn’t quite hold on to it. He had good news. She could tell from his text, and she knew she had to celebrate with him, but part of her had already started to retreat. She could feel it happening, and she couldn’t seem to stop it.

  A knock echoed on the door. She’d asked him to pick her up at her mother’s house so Mara could help her get ready, and so she could chat with her mom to distract her from her own thoughts.

  “I’ll answer it! Oh, this is so exciting. I feel like you’re going to prom or something.” Her mother rushed out of the master bedroom, leaving Jane to give herself one more appraisal.

  She’d never considered herself beautiful. Not since she was a little girl and her daddy told her she was. Since then too many other voices had crowded out his. She really hadn’t gone on any dates in high school. She hadn’t dressed up or tried to draw any attention to herself. And now she had this man, this wonderful man coming to pick her up, a man who’d told her she was beautiful, a man who made her feel special, and she couldn’t fully embrace him.

  Jane touched the mountain pendant against her collarbone, remembering that day her father had left her for the last time. She’d followed him out to his truck, asking him again why he had to go.

  “I need this, Janie. This is part of me,” her dad had said. “Someday you’ll understand.” But she didn’t. She didn’t understand then and she still couldn’t understand now. What had made him choose to go? Why would he risk his life for something that seemed so trivial?

  Inhaling deeply, she smoothed down her dress. She couldn’t think about this now. Toby was waiting, and she couldn’t ruin his night. Raising her shoulders, Jane grabbed her purse and walked out of the bedroom to where Toby and her mom were chatting in the kitchen.

  He went silent when he laid eyes on her.

  “Would you two kill me if I took a picture?” her mother asked, already looking for her phone.

  “Yes.” Jane smiled as she said it, but a hollowness spread through her. She couldn’t let them see her doubts. She couldn’t let herself feel them. One foot in front of the other. She would give Toby this night.

  “A picture would be fun.” Toby strode over to her. The closer he got, the more her knees seemed to melt. He had on dark jeans and a distressed jean shirt, open a few buttons at the collar. He’d left his cowboy hat at home, and dear Lord she loved his hair. One moment at a time. She had to take this one moment at a time and stop thinking about what would happen later.

  He slid his arm around her, drawing her to his side. Jane inhaled the masculine spicy scent on him, letting the physical touch, the feel of him at her side, quiet her uncertainty.

  “Smile,” he said, posing for her mom’s cell phone camera.

  Jane found her smile come more easily. Right as her mom took the picture, Toby grabbed her butt.

  “Hey.” She peered up at him and he leaned down to kiss her. “Just making sure you were smiling.”

  “Oh, she was smiling all right.” Jane’s mom studied the picture on her phone. “You two make such a sweet couple.”

  Jane’s ribs seemed to tighten together, making it difficult for her to draw in a full breath.

  “I’ll have her home before midnight,” Toby joked.

  “Just go and enjoy.” Her mother walked them to the door.

  A second after they stepped out onto the porch and the door he closed, he turned to her and pulled her into his arms. “Seeing you in a dress does things to me.” He worked his gaze down her body. “Maybe we should skip what I have planned and go straight to my place.”

  “I wish we could.” She wished they could sneak away and have one more night together—hidden from the future and simply living in the moment.

  “Sadly, we have reservations.” Toby led her down the porch steps to his truck. “But we can make it an early night.” He opened the passenger door.

  Jane climbed in without responding and smoothed out her dress, her heart sinking again. How could she do this? How could she celebrate good news with him and also be honest about where it left them?

  Toby walked around and got into the driver’s seat. He started the engine and drove the truck down the ranch’s winding driveway.

  “So where are we going?” Jane asked, trying to make conversation.

  “Someplace nicer.” At the end of the driveway, Toby turned left, heading in the opposite direction of town.

  There wasn’t much up this way… “You’re taking me to Valentino Bellas?”

  He exaggerated a frown. “I should’ve bl
indfolded you.”

  “I still would’ve figured it out.” She couldn’t help herself whenever there was a mystery or puzzle to solve. “I haven’t been there in years.” She’d only eaten at the winery once on her parents’ anniversary years ago. The memory warmed her even as it stung. Her parents had been so happy that night. And the restaurant had been beautiful; she remembered feeling like she was eating in a castle overlooking the entire valley. Excitement slipped past her earlier worries. There would be plenty of distractions in a restaurant like that. They could have a nice dinner, sip some wine, and maybe it would feel like a normal date as long as she didn’t worry about where the future would take them. “I can’t wait to see if it still looks the same.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’re looking forward to it.” Toby rested his hand on her thigh as he turned the truck off onto the paved road that switchbacked up and eventually went beneath a wrought-iron gate.

  Jane waited, but he didn’t offer any information about what the doctor had told him earlier. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe the doctor hadn’t given him good news after all. She hated the hope that raced through her heart. Even if he hadn’t gotten the clearance to go back now, he would someday. Toby wouldn’t give up. She knew him well enough to know that.

  “You okay?” Toby asked as he turned into the parking lot. “You’re pretty quiet.”

  “Sure,” Jane said quickly. “Just a little tired.”

  “I’m tired too.” Toby’s grin reminded her of last night. “But like I said, we can head back to my place early. After we have some champagne to celebrate.” He quickly got out of the truck and hurried over to open her door for her.

  “You got good news from the doctor?” She said it quietly so her voice wouldn’t shake.

  “I’ll tell you all about it once we get to our table.” He folded her arm under his and escorted her across the parking lot to the winery’s grand stone entrance.

  “Table for Garrett,” Toby said to the hostess once they’d moved through the heavy wooden doors.