First Kiss with a Cowboy: Includes a bonus novella Read online

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” Beth jumped onto Jane’s bed and shook her. “I’m getting married tomorrow! And we’re going white-water rafting today!”

  Groaning, Jane pushed her hair out of her face. Truthfully, she’d been awake since about four o’clock in the morning sorting through the worst-case scenarios for what could happen on a white-water rafting trip. Last night, at the rehearsal dinner, she’d decided to jump and agreed to go along on the trip, and now she was trying to claw her way back up the cliff.

  “My throat hurts,” she croaked, forcing herself to a sitting position.

  “Oh, no, no, no.” Beth waggled her finger back and forth. “Nuh-uh, lady. You are not turning back now. You told me last night not to let you bail, and, as your best friend, I take those requests very seriously.”

  “But—”

  “Stop.” Rising to her knees on the mattress, Beth posted her hands on her hips. “What did you tell me last night?”

  “That I had to go white-water rafting to prove to myself I could conquer any fear,” Jane recited dully.

  Her friend raised her eyebrows. “And?”

  Jane huffed out a breath. “And this would be my first step in embracing a new adventure.”

  “A new adventure with who?” Beth prompted.

  “With Toby.” Oh, she wanted him. She wanted this, and yet she was going to have to battle against herself every step of the way. Last night he’d been so busy helping Louise with the cooking that she hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to him. Then he’d gotten roped into giving rides to people who’d had too much to drink, and Beth had wanted to spend the night with Jane. Probably to make sure she showed up for the rafting excursion. Beth knew her well.

  “This is going to be great.” Her friend popped off the king-sized bed they’d shared last night and started to pull on clothes. “I know you’re worried, but this is exactly what you need to do. Toby offered to walk away from everything for you. Can you even imagine his face when you show up today?” Beth flopped back onto the mattress and cast a dreamy gaze at the ceiling. “It will be the perfect way for you to tell him you’re all in.”

  “Maybe I could start with dipping a toe in first.” Her baby toe. “Getting into a boat in raging rapids isn’t very practical…” And yet that was supposed to be the point. This was her grand gesture. Her way of saying screw you to all her fears so she could ride off into the sunset with the man she loved. She smiled a little. It felt good to let herself admit she loved him.

  “Jane…” Beth collected her hands and squeezed them as if trying to infuse her with a more adventurous spirit. “Only for today, please for the love of God, tell your brain to go to hell and listen to your heart.”

  Her heart. That spot inside of her that pulsed with warmth when Toby looked at her, when he held her hand, when he kissed her like he’d only ever wanted her. Jane rested her hand there on the left side of her chest, feeling it pound with life. Follow your heart, follow your heart, follow your heart. She silently repeated the mantra, trying to find a handhold.

  “It’s so perfect that you didn’t tell Toby you were coming.” Once again Beth rolled off the bed. “He’s going to be shocked to see you. He’ll know how you feel about him the second he sees you coming.”

  Jane could do this. Right now, in this moment, all she had to do was get out of bed. She swung one leg over the side of the mattress and found the floor, then the other. That wasn’t so hard.

  “Here.” Beth dug through the dresser drawers for her. “Swimsuit, shorts…” She knelt and crawled around in the closet. “Sandals!” she called triumphantly.

  It took Jane twice as long to get dressed thanks to her jittery hands, but finally she pulled a sweatshirt over her head. On the way out of the lodge, they stopped in the kitchen and swiped a muffin from Louise. Thankfully, Beth volunteered to drive—again, most likely so Jane didn’t attempt any detours that would result in missing their river meet time.

  “This is going to be thrilling.” Her friend pulled the SUV into a dirt parking lot next to a shack that said RAFTING.

  Jane eyed the weathered sign. “Did Ethan vet this company? Check online reviews? Make sure no one has died in one of their boats recently?”

  “I know this is scary, Jane. Just breathe.” Beth’s voice was teasing, but she could see the compassion in her friend’s eyes. Beth understood how scared she was. She understood why. “You’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine,” her friend continued, climbing out of the car.

  “Right.” Follow your heart, follow your heart, follow your heart.

  Most of Beth’s family and friends who’d opted into the madness were already gathered down on the riverbank. The sight of the swirling water churned her stomach and she tossed her half-eaten muffin into a nearby trash can.

  “There’s Toby and Ethan!” Beth dragged her by the arm down the small embankment to the river’s edge where four blue rubber rafts sat.

  She couldn’t swallow.

  “Look who’s here!” Her friend made the announcement in a singsongy tone.

  Everyone went silent, but Jane kept her focus on Toby, on that warm pulsing dead center in her chest. She could do this. With him. She could do anything with him.

  “What’re you doing here?” He seemed to forget about everyone else. Or at least that was how his gaze made her feel. Like she was the only one standing there. He’d been so thoughtful to call and see if she wanted him to sit out the trip. Of course she’d told him no. She didn’t want him to sit out on anything for her. She didn’t want to sit out either.

  “I’m going on an adventure,” she said, nearly breathless. “With you.”

  He reached for her hands pulling he closer. “You don’t have to prove—”

  “All righty folks, circle up!” A college-aged mountain man came bounding down the hill. Their guide, presumably. With his tanned weathered skin and long blond hair, he looked like he lived outside. “I’m Brody and I’ll be the head river guide today.”

  Toby continued to stare at Jane, but they didn’t have time to talk now. She would tell him everything later. Inching closer to him, Jane threaded her fingers through his, and he held on to her.

  “My colleague here is going to hand out life jackets. Make sure you get ’em on nice and tight,” Brody said, climbing onto a rock in the center of the group.

  Someone shoved a bright orange life vest into Jane’s hands. She quickly put it on and secured the buckles.

  “We have to go over some of the safety regulations we touched on in the waivers you signed.”

  Jane frantically looked at Beth. What waivers? She’d never read a waiver…

  “Don’t worry. I signed it for you,” her friend whispered. Before Jane could ask what the waiver had covered, Brody held up a miniature toy raft. “If we flip the boat, everyone’s gonna be dumped in the water.” Brody tipped over the boat he held in his hands. “And, dude, let me tell ya, it’ll be cold.” He narrowed his eyes and seemed to fix his gaze on each person before continuing.

  “It’ll be chaos, but you can’t lose your head, man. Just get your feet downstream so you can steer clear of the rocks—”

  Heads bobbed in expectant nods all around her, but visions of bouncing off boulders in a violent current edged Jane closer to a panic attack.

  “By the way, it’s critical that you don’t ever stand up in the river, gang. Even if it’s shallow.” Brody pushed wisps of blond fluff away from his eyes. “If your foot gets stuck between the rocks, the current’s so strong that it’ll push you right under.”

  Under?

  “We call that scenario a ‘foot entrapment.’”

  The gripping pain in her chest intensified. She hadn’t even considered that situation on her list of worst-case scenarios. Jane cleared her throat so she could breathe.

  Toby’s blue eyes found hers, flickering with concern. “Are sure you’re okay with this?” he whispered.

  “No.” Her face had to be pa
le. “But holding your hand helps.”

  He smiled and squeezed her hand tighter.

  “Now, if we happen to hit a boulder sideways, we could have a wrapped boat situation on our hands.” Brody knocked on the tiny boat’s inflated tube.

  “This is serious, folks. The current presses against the boat until it grips the rock like Saran Wrap.” He held up a fist and cupped his other hand around it as if they really needed a visual demonstration. “If the boat wraps, you gotta bail and self-rescue to the nearest riverbank.”

  Self-rescue. Umm… Jane raised her hand.

  “Yeah?” Brody pointed at her.

  “Aren’t you guys supposed to rescue us if we happen to fall in?” She tried to make it sound like a joke.

  A few people chuckled, Brody included. “That depends. If we’re all in the water, it’s every man for himself. But if I’m still in the boat, I’ll get you back in too. Don’t worry.”

  Don’t worry. Brody obviously didn’t have her number. Toby did though. He moved even closer and slipped his arm around her.

  “Okay, moving on.” Brody held up the toy boat again. “If I think we’re about to flip, I’ll yell, ‘High side.’ That means everyone’s gotta jump to the side of the boat that’s tipping up in the air.” Once again, he demonstrated with the toy raft. “If we all get there in time, we can save it and everything will be fine. I think that’s about it. Make sure you listen to your guide for your paddle commands.” Brody looked down at Jane again. “Any other questions?”

  She had a million, but she kept them to herself.

  “All righty then.” Brody hopped off the rock. “Let’s all get loaded up and we’ll ship off.”

  “This is going to be so great!” Beth walked around high-fiving people, but when she got to Jane she opted for a hug. “You can do this,” her friend whispered in her ear. “Be brave.”

  Jane could only nod. Adrenaline spiked through her and she hadn’t even dipped a toe in the water yet.

  “You guys are with Ethan and I,” Beth instructed, climbing into Brody’s boat. Jane started to move but Toby held her back. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He took her shoulders in his hands. “Because if you don’t, I’ll drive you back to the ranch right now. We don’t have to go.”

  Looking into his eyes raised her up. “I want to do this with you. I—”

  “Hop in, dudes!” Brody waved them into the boat. “We gotta push off so we can stay on schedule.”

  Of course. She seemed to get interrupted every time she tried to tell Toby something important. He took Jane’s hand, helping her climb over the boat’s rim. “You sit here.” He pointed to a seat in the middle. “And I’ll be right behind you.”

  “Okay.” Her knees gave out and she thumped down to the inflated tube.

  Brody handed out paddles. Jane found it hard to grip hers, thanks to her shaking hands.

  Across from her, Beth shot Jane a giddy smile. She really tried to smile back but it likely resembled more of a grimace. Follow your heart, follow your heart, follow your heart…

  “Here we go, peeps.” Brody shoved them off and hopped into the boat, taking the side on the back right tube. “Paddles at the ready, everyone.”

  Jane tightened her grip, easing in a breath and forcing herself to hold it so she wouldn’t hyperventilate. The boat bounced as the river took it downstream, the waves gently lapping the sides.

  Jane peered over her shoulder. “This isn’t so bad,” she said to Toby. He leaned forward and kissed her lips.

  “I like to call this the calm before the storm.” Brody went on chatting about the section of river they were on and the rapids they had coming up, but Jane closed her eyes and let the sun warm her face. It really was beautiful out here, seeing the mountains from a different perspective. Sitting with Toby behind her and Beth beside her. A cautious joy bubbled up. Maybe her life really could look different.

  A distant rumble thumped in Jane’s eardrums. She opened her eyes and looked downriver. The water ahead looked nothing like the section they were on now. It churned and thrashed. Jane sat straighter, stretching her neck to see.

  White water, like the mouth of a foamy monster, ready to slurp and swallow.

  Surges of adrenaline sputtered from a fountain somewhere inside of her, burning her veins, dropping the bottom out of her stomach.

  Breathe. Swallow. Things that had always come naturally suddenly stopped. The sound of rushing water rang in her ears.

  Brody crouched low, adjusted his visor, tightened the strap. “Okay, guys. This is it. Our first rapid. It’s a class four.”

  Class four? What did that mean again? Heat continued to dance through her body, forcing her knees to pump, her shoulders to shudder.

  “I’m gonna need all you got here. Remember all the commands we went over.”

  That must’ve been when Jane wasn’t paying attention. “When I say paddle, you’d better paddle hard.” Brody clamped his gaze onto the river and dipped his paddle into the water.

  The motion rocked her. The noise absorbed her. Somehow the straps on her lifejacket tightened, the bulky padding started to shrink, to squeeze the life out of her.

  What were those commands again?

  Shallow breaths edged in and out of her open mouth. Left turn—did that mean she had to paddle forward? Or was it backward?

  The boat jerked, stretching and snapping her body like a rubber band, sending her sprawling forward. Her kneecaps thudded into the inflated floor. Freezing water oozed over the sides of the boat, splashing her cheeks, scraping her legs. She clawed the rim, pulled and tugged, slipped and fell back to the floor.

  Toby reached for her hands, but Brody started to yell. “Paddle! Now! Forward! I need everyone!” The rest of the group paddled in a frenzied synchronization. They reached forward, pulled, leaned back.

  All she could do was stare. At them. At the water.

  A trail of fire coiled around her sternum. She had to focus and grab her—

  A collision thrust the boat sideways and all Jane could see was a huge rock coming straight for them.

  “Paddle!” Brody yelled over and over. The tone of his voice edged into panic.

  The boat spun into the rock and lurched one side of the tube up. Higher. They were going over.

  “High side!” The thundering water smothered the guide’s command. Jane tried to climb up to the tube, but she kept slipping. Everyone was slipping.

  The river seemed to slurp the boat, and in an instant, they were all in the water.

  The cold shocked her. “Toby!” She tried to scream, but a wave slapped her in the face, stinging her nose, clogging her burning throat.

  The overturned boat bobbed so far away. She couldn’t get there. The water was dragging her down.

  Be strong. Be brave. She thought of Toby, tried to scan the water for him, but only white froth filled her vision.

  Feet downstream. That’s what Body had said. Jane flailed her arms to assume the right position. As long as she paddled her arms, the lifejacket buoyed her mouth and nose above the surface.

  You’re so much braver than you think you are. That was her father’s voice in her head—telling her to be brave, to be strong. I love you, Janie. You can do this. You can rescue yourself. That warm pulsing in her chest started again, replenishing her strength. She was brave, damn it. She wouldn’t go down.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Where was she? Damn it, he had to get out of the water. Toby fought the current’s drag, turning on his stomach to swim. This wasn’t the first time he’d gotten dunked on a white-water rafting trip, but Jane hadn’t been with him then. Water sprayed him in the face, blinding him. Hell, he couldn’t even see the riverbank. Shouts seemed to ring out in all directions, but he couldn’t see anyone.

  The struggle taxed his lungs, so he turned over onto his back again, pointed his feet downstream.

  Panic raced through him so hot he couldn’t even feel the cold. He should’ve grabbed on to Jane’s hand before they
went over. He’d been so sure he could right the boat. He’d flung himself onto the tube, and then she was gone. That’s when he’d bailed too, jumping into the water after her.

  The current was too fast though. By the time he’d hit the water Jane had disappeared.

  Grunting in frustration he flipped back to his stomach. He had to get out of the water so he could see. Toby pulled against the waves, kicking his legs until they burned. There! The bank. He propelled himself forward, gasping and gagging with the water and exertion.

  Brody had made it out. Beth and Ethan too. The other boats had pulled over behind them. “Where’s Jane?” Beth screamed.

  “I don’t know.” He pushed himself out of the water, crawling until he could get to his feet.

  “One unaccounted for,” Brody was saying into a radio.

  Unaccounted for. No. “No!” Toby stumbled down the riverbank, sloshing through the water, his eyes trained on the waves. There were only whitecaps and rocks everywhere he looked.

  “Oh my God, we have to find her!” Beth had started to cry.

  “We’ll find her,” Toby growled. He would find her.

  About thirty yards ahead, the river disappeared around a bend. “She must’ve gotten swept farther down.” The water was so high this time of year—still swollen with snowmelt. Toby tried to sprint, but the uneven ground and sand turned his run into a clumsy jog. The other day Louise had said he was good in a crisis, but panic was seeping into every cell. If he let himself, he could throw up right now. This was Jane. Beautiful sassy Jane. The love of his whole life. And he couldn’t find her.

  “Jane!” He tried to yell above the rapids, but they sounded like a freight train thundering in his ears. Blood rushed hot and fast, pounding through his temples. Toby had to wade deeper to avoid a rocky embankment at the side of the river. He edged around the outcropping, feeling his way with his hands. As soon as he came around the corner, he saw the empty overturned boat caught on a rock near the river’s edge. Jane wasn’t there.

  Oh Jesus, was she trapped underneath? Fueled by adrenaline, he sprinted the rest of the way and flipped the boat, searching underneath. Where was she? “Jane!” The roar of the rapids crashing around him swallowed his shout.